If you begin reading, please read to the end. Know that I love you all.

Some things that I would like everyone to understand:

– Someone’s coming out moment is a moment full of more emotion than most can express. For some it is scary, others it is no big deal. It is something that is done on THEIR timeline and never yours. For you to take it upon yourself to out them, is NEVER something that will be okay. You have taken away something that was never yours to take. The action you have taken strips that individual of the ability to live their life the way they want to.

– Outing someone on your time other than theirs also poses a risk that the person that you have outed might be harmed more than you ever intended, loss of life, abandonment, abuse, conversion therapy etc…coming out should be done when the individual is in a place where they know they will be alright, safe, and hopefully with some support after.

– Someone being gay does NOT change who they are. I am still me. My family and friends who knew me before they knew I was gay can attest to that.

– The stereotypes that come along with being gay do exist, but they are NOT embodied in every LGBT individual that you know. I live up to some, but certainly not all.

I have spent a long time thinking about starting this blog, denying the reason to do it and coming back to it and then of course abandoning the whole thing…yet I saved all this work so I could come back to this as I saw fit. I hope this year will continue to be one that is far better than the last two years.

As I know many people in the early part of the year set goals. Trends for working out, eating healthy, journal writing, better sleep, work life balance, cursing less, smiling more etc. Though I am here doing a little something different.

The reason I am posting today is for a little bit of education and realization for those in my realm of influence, but first a little of a back story.

Over the last few years of my life I have grown and become someone who, 15 years ago, I could not have even begun to imagine would be me. I have had many ups and downs where all of you can relate in one way or another. There is one thing specifically that I would like to finally put to rest for those that may have no clue and those who suspect but are too afraid to ask. For those that already know, maybe some more clarification?

I am gay.

I knew in about middle school I was different. It was not until late middle-school early high-school where it all started making sense. The whole situation scared me a lot so I spent years suppressing part of me that, in my own head, was not normal.

The suppression did not do me any favors as I became a perfectionist, striving for success in so many areas that I had no time to acknowledge the part of me that I was not okay with, scared of accepting, scared of sharing. Thinking that if I ignored it for long enough it would just disappear.

Fast forward to my mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I spent two years in Washington D.C. focusing on two things; serving others, and learning more about myself. By the end of my mission I was able to see that serving others brought a peace to my life that I was unable to get anywhere else. That peace led me to being able to find peace within myself about who I was and to begin to accept this part of me that I feared for years.

I am gay.

After my mission I returned to college in Idaho and had another amazing year of discovery. I continued to accept who I was, though still scared to share with others as acceptance for those who are gay in the circles that I lived was not common. I made friends and dated girls as I knew I wanted a family and, in church teachings, only heterosexual marriages are condoned. Along with dating, I was able to talk with guys like me, some were out, others were not but we shared the struggles that we face. I became quite close to one, and he happened to be one of my roommates.

The following year of school was brief, two weeks to be exact. My roommate and I had become close the year before and I was not wanting more than just a close friend and closed the door to a more serious relationship with this roommate that same year. The time apart from my roommate between school years allowed me to see that we would not be a good match. He was more hurt than I was but we chose to still be roommates for the upcoming year. I was not prepared for what was to come.

My roommate outed me.

Mere days into the semester and this roommate had saw me kissing another guy. My roommate then sent an anonymous tip to the school’s Honor Office. I was given a week to leave as I had violated the code of conduct I signed to uphold while attending school there. My life was suddenly turned upside down and now, I had to come out to my parents over the phone. They needed to come get me and I knew that they would want to know why I was being kicked from school. Tearful, shaking and in the arms of a dear friend, I made the difficult phone call.

I make it home, and for nearly a year, I am in a very dark place and making choices that are less than stellar for my life. No desire to be at home, work, church or out with friends, I just wanted to be somewhere I could be me, so I spent a lot of time isolated in my room or in the car.

That summer I grew a lot as I began to come out to friends who did nothing but accept me. I also contacted my old roommate and forgave him for what he had done. I have not and will not be able to forget what was done but I did forgive him.

Since then I have been blessed and have been able to do some great things. Purchase my own car, come out to more friends and family on my own timeline, I have a job that I love and coworkers that are amazing.  I am working on saving money and hopefully will soon be able to purchase my own home and have been able to make more friends in church, LGBT+ community and will eventually marry a man who will only be able to add to me as the whole that I am.

This blog will continue with my story with more details of what has been shared already and other experiences from my life. I do not guarantee that I will follow a time line that will flow as nicely as others. Though I will be sure to share my experiences, answer questions and hopefully be able to educate and share with those who may need to hear it.

Answers to questions many of you might have:

– Will I still be an active member of the church? I am currently and fully intend on remaining an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

– Would I have come out had I not been outed? Yes, I had determined to come out sometime that year, but I had no plans for when or how.

– Do I regret my prior decisions? Some, but that is part of life where, hopefully, everyone is able to learn from their mistakes.

– Do I plan to marry a man in the future? Yes.

– Am I open to questions? Yes! Private message me and ask away.