Why do I go on Temple walks? At this time, not only was I good with keeping my feelings suppressed, I was really trying my hardest to keep my focus on my goals at the time

What are my goals at this time? Being at the age now where I could serve a mission I was really working with my bishop and making sure I was getting my paperwork taken care of and school deferred for the time I would be on my mission.

What is the significance of the temple? For me, at this time, the temple was the only place that I wanted to be. I had only been inside for baptisms and had not gone through for my own endowment. I felt that every night I took a walk to the temple and have the chance to just let everything sink in.

I left you all hanging probably laughing that Miss Handsy now was more Miss Short-tempered Psyco. Never had she done that before, we never really ever even argued before either. So my knowing she was willing to pound on the door of a guy that she was not even dating and speak to the roommates of this guy so flippantly was alarming.

As I was in the habit of walking to the temple every evening, or at least most evenings that I could without getting soaked by rain. My walks were fairly short, just up the hill about 10 minutes or so and less than that back as gravity works…but my length of time where I sat across from a place that was so beautiful, quiet, and peaceful.

I always spent more time sitting on the grounds of the temple longer when my mind was busier, messier, and more crowded than normal. This night was another one of those nights where I needed to spend at much time there as I could. I only gave about minutes between Miss Handsy storming out and me leaving the dorm to take my walk to the temple.

I lean out the door after looking through the windows to see if I could see her anywhere, I wasn’t seeing her along the walk or the pot chucked somewhere as she had the tendency to throw things when she was angry…never anything major, spoons, pencils, etc…was always funny cause it wasn’t ever hard throws…just tosses over her shoulder. I lean back into the apartment and ask my roommate to text me if she comes back to let me know so I know to crash at another dorm until she left.

I begin leaving the dorm, I head down the stairs and as I turn the corner out of the dorm, this corner is on the opposite side of the building than the parking lot that is between ours and the girls’ building…there is miss handsy WITH THE POT ON HER HEAD.

I am somewhat startled as someone was there, the pot on the head did not matter that much as I lived in a dorm full of guys so abnormal outfits and such were not uncommon to be seen. She had a brief smile that I definitely saw before she decided to change her face to match mine of surprise…I blatantly rolled my eyes, huffed, put in my earbuds, and started walking.

THIS GIRL FOLLOWED ME

I had not started my music and she is not a quiet walker, especially when being ignored so I just turned on my music and played it as loud as I could. I was not listening to church hymns which are annoying when on blast through subpar headphones. I was listening to other artists more secular in nature, pop or hard rock depending on my mood. I kept the hymns for once I was at the temple.

Regardless it began to rain a bit and I had already told my roommate she was following me. He offered to start a fight with her, but I just told him no as I was not giving her any attention and she would learn that real quick I was not out there for her.

My walk up to the temple took about 5min tonight..had that gay speed walk going on. I just needed to get to that place where I felt the most peace so I could sort my shit out. Address with her that she and I were never going to be an item and could not be friends if she did not accept that.

I get to the grounds of the temple, find a bench and sit down, crisscross. Change my music and just breathe in the clean air that was the rain combined with the freshly mown grass. The rain was more of a misty rain with some wind, and it wasn’t a cold wind but that warm wind that was nothing but comforting to me. The image that you could see that night was the temple, lit up like it always is, but with an added glow and the haze from the light, misty rain, and the wind. Picture perfect.

Then there she was…still with a pot on her head…and sat down so close to me that she might as well have sat in my lap. I quickly get up and move to the other side of the grounds. She has the sense to not sit on the same bench after she follows me.

I cannot remember how long I sat there, the rain getting stronger, my clothes getting wetter, my mind coming more and more at peace. I got up, glanced at my phone, and realized it was after curfew (midnight). I smile and give a little chuckle and I begin my walk back to the dorm. The rain stops as I leave the grounds. Peaceful and my path is interrupted.

Miss Handsy, running full speed, slams into me, and the only reason I did not just fall flat on my face when she made contact as I was already moving and I was going downhill; was that she was heavy-footed there was no mistaking that the only other person that would be moving my way at this hour was her.

I stop dead, instantly the entire opposite of how I was feeling just seconds before. My back still turned from the huffing, puffing, and wheezing happening behind me. I pull out my earbuds, not bothering to turn off my music. I slowly turn around…

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” I scream at her, she drops the pot, that was no longer on her head, to the ground with a clank that was quite loud on the deserted grounds. I am not one to get angry enough with someone to let my anger flow freely in front of them. When that has happened in the past, I have been told there is a fire in my eyes that would burn holes in the devil’s head.

I am not sure what she saw that night but I know she went pale with a face of shock. Having flipped my lid with her, I took a deep breath and said, “it is after curfew and we both need to be home,” I turn back around, and begin walking.

I hear the scrape of the pot on the concrete, she catches up and keeps her distance on the opposite side of the walk. I am glad she does because my body is shaking. She begins the conversation which was still quite short and I do not remember the exact words that were said. The result of the conversation though was that she understood that I was not intending of dating her or expecting her to wait for me while I was on my mission. She was not happy about this and it was visibly evident as her feet scraped the floor and the pot she had was just there dangling in her hand.

I get back to the dorm, she was still there and she asked if I could go inside. I reminded her that it was after curfew, the cameras would catch her and she would be caught. I reiterated that we are not seeing each other so even asking that of me was beyond what she should ever expect of happening. I walk into my complex and close the door behind me.

I walk into my apartment and she had already called me three times. I let it go to voicemail each time and she never left one. My roommate was still up, we usually were until all of us were that type of person to stay up until the last of us were home for the night. He asked if we were the ones that screamed earlier. I confirmed that it was me and he was surprised as he had never expected me to be loud, especially as loud as I was to be heard across campus. I confidently told him that as long as he never crosses me, or loses my trust, he will never see that side of me pointed towards him. He chuckled and threw a pillow at me. I threw it back at him and said he needed to get his ass to bed, he had a class in 6hrs.

If I was so peaceful, how could I blow up so quickly after? My habits at that time for finding peace were more destructive than I thought. As I had years of practice already of suppression, I was fairly good at keeping my anger in check as well. Clearly, she was a trigger that could pierce that without issue and it pops like a can of biscuits.

Have I snapped like that since that night? I sure have! There are a few people in my life that I have lost as friends because of it. Like I have said, fire from hell in my eyes…really only comes out in the most heated moments when I have been crossed.

Did I ever speak to Miss Handsy again? Yes. She does make a couple more appearances in my life after that misty evening Spring of 2013. We do not talk and we are more acquaintances now than we are friends.